My best friend from HS, Mike, has come to visit, and to meet my wife, Lisa, for the first time. I’m nervous about it, because Mike can be rather crude, and Lisa is very conservative - to the point that I’m her first and only lover.
We’ve been drinking for several hours when Lisa arrives home, but, being a light drinker, she’s soon every bit as buzzed as us. I relax, we’re having a great time, when Lisa asks, “Is your mother Italian?”
Mike answers, “No, why would you ask?
Lisa answers, “Well, with a middle name like Salvatore, I just figured.”
I nervously ask, “Why would you think his middle name is Salvatore, Lisa? It’s Peter.”
Lisa replies, “Well, Jake, you said Mike was coming to visit, but you keep calling him Sal.”
Fear grips me as I mutter, “Oh, shit, really?”
Mike chuckles and answers, “Funny thing, buddy, you were calling me Mike until your wife got home. Then you started calling me Sal. No one’s called me that for years.”
This can’t be happening. Then I remember, this isn’t your everyday girl. This is my straight arrow wife. Still, fear tinges my voice as I ask, “Shit, you’re kidding me, right?
Lisa answers, “That’s all you’ve called him since I got home, Jake. That’s not his middle name?”
I answer, “No, it’s a nickname.”
Lisa asks, “Why would his nickname be Sal if his name isn’t Salvatore? And why are you so upset, Jake?”
All I can manage is, “Fuck”, so Lisa turns to Mike.
“What’s wrong with him?”
“Well, Sal is a shortening of another nickname, that I think Jake secretly wants you to know about, but he’s afraid of your reaction.” Mike answers.
Is he right? Do I really want her to know? I’ve been down this road before, and have enjoyed the initial reaction, but hated the aftermath. Still, this is Lisa, so things will be different this time, won’t they?
While these thoughts run through my mind, Lisa asks, “I don’t understand, what’s the nickname?”.
“Salami.” Mike answers bluntly.
“Salami? What’s that mean,” Lisa asks.
So Mike shows her. And my straight-arrow wife, my oh-so-proper Lisa? Well, the picture above shows the very first time her tongue tastes cock.